Blog
19/04/2009
Natural therapies and remedies to cope with bereavement
This lovely spring month has been especially poignant for me. My sister heather died 3 weeks ago after a year of treatment for cancer. I think about little else at the moment so, as this affects so many of us at some time, I'll write about what has helped me and many clients over the years cope with caring for someone and letting them go.
I’ll start with the fear I felt when my sister was diagnosed and when I realised later that she was going to die. For the first time in my life I found I could hear my own heartbeat in quiet moments. Both Heather and I found rose essential oil tremendously comforting, simply on a tissue near the face, both at night and tucked into clothes during the day. Heather found this very effective and I made sure she had a bottle of my best oil. I've been giving rose to sad clients for years, following miscarriages and any other loss, even when someone is still grieving from a loss many decades earlier.
Frankincense and myrrh are traditionally funeral herbs and can be comforting and grounding. Do give me a ring if you need advice on which oils to use and where to find them.
An Aromatherapist friend said jasmine helped her cry when she couldn't express her grief after her husband died.
Flower Essences are a key part of my support system. Grey spider flower is for terror and helped me handle the enormity of what was happening and continue to function with my daily life. Waratah is for the “dark night of the soul”. I took these 2 essences twice daily, by mouth and also added them to my bath. I was impressed with how I managed to cope with incredibly stressful times. They are part of “Emergency Essence” which can be bought in some pharmacies.
Sturt Desert Pea is a remedy for grief, even for losses from many years ago. It helps us cope and grieve healthily.
I made up a spray of essential oils and essences, chosen by Heather, to mist the air in her room in the hospital. This helped to bring a sense of peace to the room.
Holistic treatments
I've been having regular acupuncture treatments from my friend Rita Halstead. This has boosted my immune system as I was getting lots of colds. Reflexology and massage have also helped. My neck and shoulders have been very tight and I feel even a couple of minutes massage from a friend has made a big difference for me; clearing my head and helping me function again.
Rest, sleep and time
One of my clients told to get plenty of rest as if we become over tired, grief is much harder to cope with. So do seek professional help if you’re not sleeping.
Time for quiet contemplation is essential to come to terms with what has happened. My neighbour’s cats joined me at 3am when I couldn't sleep! I put a chair outside and we sat together with a cup of tea, a hot water bottle and an absorbing novel and listened to the noises of the night! I'll write more about the therapeutic power of animals next month!
Get out in nature for some deep breathing and gentle exercise. My garden is looking fantastic; it’s had so much attention! A walk by the sea or in the bluebell woods in Hadleigh will calm a troubled mind. I visited the wood today, breathed in the aroma of the bluebells and felt so rejuvenated afterwards. Treatments and exercise help you produce endorphins which are hormones of happiness produced by the body’s own pharmacy.
Talk to someone
I've arranged to talk to one of the counsellors at my local holspice who offer a free service. This is giving me the chance to talk about what happened without the worry of burdening someone else with my concerns. I didn't do this when my mother died 3 years ago but this time feel I need to really offload and recover from my own ordeal.
When the bereavement has not been through cancer, talk to your GP who can arrange for counselling for you. Support groups like Cruse provide help and information for the bereaved too.
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